I think in a way the reason I have stopped caring about so many things and people is because I’m tired of getting hurt. I seriously care about 2% of everything in my life now. Which is my family and making sure I have a bright future ahead. I guess that’s MY LIFE right there and nothing else matters so i guess it would be 100%? Which ever way you look at it. I stopped thinking there’s such a thing as friends. They all come and go. Nothing lasts forever. I’m done trying to become close to anyone. I stopped caring about who liked or disliked me. I stopped caring about who walked out. I stopped caring about guys. I stopped caring about so much. And for a little while I felt the caringness come back. NO, I don’t want it to. It can’t. I’m happier without caring. Right now, in this very second I feel like I’m doubting the fact I don’t care. I feel like I’m just lying to myself. But hopefully I’ll snap out of it. I doooooon’t want to care anymore!
Why would you do that to me? Do you remember when we first met you told me, you made it so clear to me, that you didn’t lead girls on? You even felt offended when I asked you if you were sure. Well you’re a really good liar. Did you not lead me on? Because as far as I know leading someone on is making them think they have a chance when you know they dont or leaving then hanging or pretending to like someone when you really don’t. And its not like you didn’t know. Ohmygod you knew better than anyone how much I liked you. You knew before I even told you! Did I not tell you how many times I liked you? Did I not tell you you made me happy? Did I not tell you all those cute things that you claimed made you smile? Made you say “awhh” cause you swore you meant it? You knew. You knew damn well how I felt and you knew damn well it would hurt me. But that didn’t stop you did it? Did you find someone new? Is she prettier? Is she nicer? She has to be right? Do you tell her everything you told me? You sure know how to make your words sound believable because I wouldn’t allow myself to think we would ever have anything but you made it so hard and sure you never came right out and said we would have something but it hurts how you KNEW how I felt about you, you KNEW how sensitive I Was if you didn’t liked me why did you start flirting with me even more after I told you? Why would you do that to me? Was it fun knowing you could tell me anything cause you had me right there? Did you really think id keep coming back? or id wait forever? No. I hate what you did. It wouldn’t have been as bad if you didn’t know how I felt. And the fact that you just stopped talking to me literally one day to the next what the fuck is that? Why? What was the whole point? Yeah I know phones work both ways but I felt like you didn’t want to talk to me that last day we talked so I just thought if he cares hell text me. You never djd. And yeah I told you a few days before we stopped talking that I dont fall in love I dont believe in forever and I can be heartless. Well its only cause of shit like this. If you had been the tight guy i woukdnt have been heartless if we were togehter but you ckearly werent the right one. And I actually really liked you, I had not wanted to be with someone as much as I wanted to be with you since kike the seventh grade. Really ill get over this. I’m NOT heartbroken. I’m not even hurt by the fact that you’re gone IM FINE without you . I dint get attached. The only thing that hurts is being lied to. Knowing I actually thought about trusting you but you did this. But I guess I wasn’t worth your time hu? I wasn’t good enough? Like always. Ha, and to think for once I actually let you in. About my confidence and when I talked to you I would pretend like I had such a good self esteem cause you would get MAD if I said anything otherwise. But whatever…you wertent worth it
-March 20 2012
It’s funny I was remembering how when I started going out with you my best friend asked me what made me go out with you I said “Idk he just makes me happy”… you did make me happy. you made me really happy. But this new kid, I don’t think you made me as happy as he does Or maybe you did, idk that was 8 months ago maybe I can’t remember but I really don’t think you did…
-february 13 2012
Last night I was so sad, I don’t think I’ve ever been that sad. It was even more saddening that I didn’t know WHY I was sad. I was crying so much it almost felt like my body couldn’t keep up with how many tears I wanted to pour out. It was scary.
-February 13 2012.
There’s life outside this small sad town. I’m going places, I won’t let the battle with myself hold me back. I just need to get away from here. I need to be free. I need to be me. I need to do me. I need to be happy. I need to be worry-free. I need to be far far away from here. It’ll be ok. I will be ok. Maybe not today, or the next year, or even in the next 5 years, but eventually I will.
-February 10 2012
I don’t want shit to do with you.
Maybe I do, but hell no none of that serious bullshit. Fuck that. there’s not such thing as love. and you don’t even give a fuck so..?
-February 10 2012
Ok, today is the day I realized how much I like you. It’s scary.
You’re the first guy I actually want to be in a long relationship with, I’m still not thinking about “forever” but hey.
You’re the first guy I actually want to introduce to my family.
The first guy I want to be serious with.
I want you so bad.
-February 05 2012
I mean. You know how I feel about you it’s not like I haven’t told you before. I’ve told you many times. I’m pretty sure you’re aware that I want to be with you. You tell me cute stuff and promise you love me, well why don’t you show it? Why don’t you tell me you like me too? Why don’t you act like it? You either need to man up and admit it or stop playing games if you know you don’t. Why do you go around telling people I like you, and I have no problem admitting it, yet you can’t tell them you like me right? Cause maybe you don’t. I have other guys who are just as sweet and want to be with me. Why don’t you understand that you have me in the palm of your hand but you won’t take me? You said you don’t lead girls on, that that’s bogus, and you would never do that. Well if you don’t like me you’re leading me on. Because It’s not like you don’t know how much I like you. You’re so confusing and complicated. Why can’t you just speak up and tell me how you’re feeling so we can skip all this bullshit. I’m not trying to rush into anything, I just need to know how you’re feeling before I fall even harder for someone who isn’t willing to catch me.
-February 3
